More On Choosing an Aspect/Element

When I choose to work with an aspect or a specific element, it is usually because there is an issue in my life which needs my attention.  This issue might be one that impacts the element I am focusing on, or it will take action from this element to resolve the troublesome issue in another Aspect or Element. Only occasionally do I ‘get’ to choose to work with an element just for the pleasure of it. 

Near the end of the last moon cycle I completed the “What’s Happening in My Life Now?” worksheet.  I've been completing these worksheets on the dark moon for the last six cycles and I could see a pattern emerging in my answers.  Over the past months my discontent was growing in my Creative Aspect.  As this dis-ease grew in my Creative Aspect, it spilled over into my Relationship Aspect, particularly in the Partner Element.  I noticed in my Personal Aspect, while I was experiencing a new sense of ease in my spirituality, I was slacking off caring for my body, and my self-confidence and self-esteem were wearing away at my self-worth. 

Truth is, I had become pretty self-critical and when I looked at what was happening in my life, everything pointed to the unfinished issues in my Creative Aspect.   Even my Collective Aspect, which usually nurtures me, was showing signs of neglect in my monthly summaries. 
One of the ways I work with my collection of recent  Monthly Summaries, and the 'What’s Happening in My Life Now' worksheets is to draw a word-map showing how the my responses in the summaries are interconnected.  From my mapping I can get an image of the primary issue impacting the others.  This kind of mapping works well for me as I am a very visual person.  If I can figure out our scanner (It could take a few days, so be patient), I'll scan a sample and post it on the blog site, on the chance this way of looking at the monthly summaries is a useful idea for others. . 

In the meantime, here's my summary in a nutshell:  The unfinished issues in my work life are seriously impacting not only my other Creative Elements, but my other Aspects as well.  I began by doing some serious pondering of the questions posed in the instruction section of the Work/Career Element Work/Career Element Instructions.  Also see the blog post from 10/26/2012

 

 

 

 

 

Choosing What to Work With

            How do I choose what Aspect to work with?  This is one of the questions new Circle of Self ^® participants ask.  This moon cycle, I had a very specific focus in my life, which made a seemingly easy focus for what Aspect and Element to choose to work with:  Creative Aspect, Work/Career Element: developing my work as a writer. 

            There are two worksheets I use which helped me structure how I would best work with my intention for my work element. These are: Work/Career Element Instructions and Working with the 6C’s in the Work Element.  These worksheets help set up a structure for optimizing success. Both begin with questions geared to help us get in touch with our underlying personal history and our beliefs as they relate to our Creativity and our Work Life.   At the end of the Work/Career Element Instructions is this section:

Questions to Ponder

1) What awareness, memories, thoughts or ideas came to you as you completed your inner safe place exercise as it relates to your Work Element?

2)  What did you dream you would grow up to be when you were a child? Did you feel you had choices?

3)  What did you do that gave you the most pleasure as a child? (Also a question in the Creative Aspect/Leisure Element)

4)  Were there things you wished to do or were prevented from doing as a child which are unfinished longings or which you feel kept you from developing your qualities and skills to do your work in the world?

5) Who would you choose as mentors for developing a fulfilling work life? Spend some time making a list of 12 people you would have as mentors for supporting you in fully developing your Creative/Work Self.

6)  Have you met your goals and dreams for your Creative Self? Or in terms how you use the time you have designated as work time? If not, what has gotten in your way of meeting them?

I admit putting off coming to terms with my abilities as a writer for much of my adult life.  It doesn’t matter that I successfully wrote a dissertation, published in a professional journal, had writing skills developed enough (even with my spelling and punctuation difficulties) to construct a website.  The first four questions above have to do with personal history.  At the beginning of this moon cycle, I spent time writing about my history with writing. In doing so, I became clearer about the unfinished dreams and unhealed experiences from my childhood that had become some of the ‘we’s I wrote about in my blog the over the past few days.  Through answering these questions, I was also able to reconnect with some of dreams and the origin of some of my vision for who I wanted to be ‘when I grew up’. 

The next task (question 5) is choosing mentors for my work in this element.  My council of mentors includes both historical (i.e. who have already died) and living, willing and able to give me face-time support.

The final question to ponder (#6) about goals and dreams is the most difficult for me to answer.  Truthfully, NO, I have not met my goals and dreams for my work, especially when it comes to being a writer as part of my profession.  Truthfully I have procrastinated (someone said procrastination was a five syllable word for sloth), fought myself, distracted myself and completed other worthwhile goals. Writing has been a longing, a desire, a nagging presence; but it has never been a priority.  Now, with this month, facing myself as a writer is my priority.  As the full moon approaches, I am ready to take a next step with some of my work I have done during the waxing part of this moon cycle. The waning phase of my moon cycle will focus on further development of my 6 C’s for the writer in me.

When 'I' is Really "We"

I worked with a client who always talked of herself as 'we'  rather than 'I'.  In my training as a young counselor I was taught that when a client uses 'we' when referring to themselves it meant they had difficulty owning their own behavior or identifying with themselves, really pretty simplistic, but that was the message in the dark ages of graduate school. I was taught to encourage my clients to use 'I'  instead.   Being a rebel in my counseling work from the start, I decided instead to explore who the 'we' was. This turned out to be a very productive process.  Who would she invite as her 'we' if she could choose?  Did she feel younger than her current age?  If  so, how young was her child 'we'?  Which 'we' got her in trouble? Which 'we' would it be helpful to take to work?  Which 'we' must never come to work?  Who is the 'we' shows up on dates?  Which 'we' made the decision to get married? Divorced?  Over the course of a number of sessions this client developed increasing compassion and love for herself, gradually replacing the destructive self-criticism. And she also was more and more willing and able to truly feel herself as an 'I'.

As I focus on my Creative Aspect this month, I have become quite aware of how my life history and experiences continue to support or sabotage of my efforts.  When I was six, I was humiliated by my second grade teacher for my poor spelling skills.  That six year old me still effects my writing, and I recognize that when I'm feeling tentative about my writing abilities, she is one of my 'we's.  For these times I created this visualization: while I am writingat my computer, I sit her on my lap.  I visualize sending love to that six year old Carolyn, unkempt braids, bad spelling and all.  And I continue typing, and as my readers may have notice, spelling poorly!

Tomorrow, I want to write about another 'we', the essential 'WE'.

The "I's" Have It: Growing is all About the Personal Self

My blogging over the past  week  has focused on the Personal Aspect of Self.  I need to remind myself,no matter what Aspect I am working with during any given moon cycle, all my Personal Elements are intermingled with my work.

This month, my 'work' is really focused on my Creative Aspect.  All my thoughts, beliefs and hopes about myself are up for review as I explore how I engage each of the Creative Elements to make my desired changes. I take myself into what ever plan of action I am engaging.  My thought processes, feelings about self and others, attitudes, willingness to acknowledge intuition and reaction patterns. These are a necessary part of my Creative Movement.  Acknowledging what I know and don't know.  Stopping myself from short-cutting personal care. Stopping sabotage. The good part is I am more present this time around, which insures at the very least good progress if not full success in my venture. For example:I did not say 'no' when my gut told me 'NO!!!', I immediately recognized my sabotage, and was also immediately aware of what this cost me in terms of emotional well being and physical time.  I am getting quicker at recognizing my old friend, the Saboteur archetype, as well as her counterpart-the Prostitute.  So I can stop myself before I do something self-harming. I MUST be as fully present to all the parts of me as I can be at this time.  Perfection is DEFINITELY not required, but awareness is.  "I", as much as I know who that "I" is at this time, must be willing to align with my calling and purpose (which is the same as Divine Will). 

To make choices and change in our life, we need to make the process all about ourselves first-and look closely at all elements of our self. The exercises in the Personal Aspect of Circle of Self are a great place to start focusing on you 'I'!  The first step is self awareness, then self understanding then self acceptance followed by positive growth and change. Check it out: Personal Aspect

More "I-isms" and the challenge of change

We are halfway through the waxing moon of this wonderful harvest moon cycle.  I do love this month. October brings with it so many memories of harvest time on the farm where I grew up.  I know for many the approaching longer and colder nights, lack of sun and isolation that often comes with the approaching winter harbors depression. But, I'm  invigorated by this season of year, and year seems especially invigorating-and intense. My Circle of Self process for this month is focused on the Creative Aspect, with pieces of my intention in each of the four elements: work/career, philanthropy, leisure and financial.  There is an intensity to my process this month because I am challenging myself to step considerably out of my comfort zone in a number of ways in this Aspect. If this sounds mysterious, I'll fill you in at the dark of the moon!

It's not surprising then, stepping out of my comfort zone, I should be made aware of all the 'I' words.I am noticing my thoughts and reactions.  My psychological, physical and emotional senses are very keen right now, and I find my self jarred by the intensity of both the world around me (mostly the people) and my responses.  If I am challenging myself to be more of who I am, it makes sense that I would be particularly aware of insecurity, integrity, intuition, intention, imperfections, etc., etc., as well as their opposites.  I feel knocked back and forth between feeling secure in a decision and commitment and an hour later, tripped up and betraying my commitment to myself.   The image I get is of being thrown from one side of a box (keeping in mind that my work for this moon cycle takes me out of my comfort zone, my safe box) to the other and then into another corner, unrelentingly.  Maybe that is one way to break out of the box!  This leaves me feeling a little bruised, and I fear I may be a little bruising toward those around me who are on this journey with me.  I'm a great example of Jung's individuation versus the divided self I referred to in yesterday's blog.

So, as I focus on my Creative Aspect, my Personal Aspect is also quite active, as is my Relationship Aspect.  And although it's a challenge to stay present and intentional, I do feel the support of the moon energy for this month.  I am in the middle of a harvest of myself. 

I Am and I Am Not

Im, I'm, I am, words:

Imperfect
Immediate
Impartial
Impatient
Impractical

Jung's observations on the word individuation and individual explains a lot about human behavior-well, I should speak for myself: MY behavior.  I am so often not an individual.  Not only do I go along with whatever to 'get along', not draw attention to myself or not 'make waves'.  I also, as Jung reflected, am divided in myself.  I go against myself, sabotage my efforts.  The I-M words are great descriptors of this exact concept: Imperfect versus I'm perfect, Impartial versus I'm partial etc.

I realize part of my personal growth work in this Circle of Self year, has been learning to live with the divisions in myself (the divisiveness, the divides).  This kind of practice is an intentional practice.  I make a commitment to look at myself honestly (integrity) in my daily review practice.   I have impatience and patience. I know the downside of being impractical and the ho-hum-ness of being practical.  I am both partial and impartial.  There are times when I want it my way NOW (immediate) and times when I am willing to mediate.  I recognize the times I have been quite imperfect, and I also can acknowledge moments of grace filled perfection.  Perfectionism is an issue in my life, primarily from so many years of feeling so terribly imperfect and trying to be perfect hoping others would not see how imperfect I knew I was

The IM words invite us to be gentler with ourselves, that we have the capacity, ability and traits and ARE both aspects of the word.  If I can hold my imperfections  and my perfections, I AM on the path to individuation.  By accepting the dividedness within myself I become less divided as a whole, my parts can become part of the whole of me and I become more of myself and of who I have the potential to be. HMMMM the whole IS bigger than the parts. 

I find myself infatuated with 'I' words

Last night I went to bed intending to dream about the triangle I had seen in my mind's eye at lasts nights lecture.  And I did dream about the triangle. I just didn't expect the awareness with which I woke. I woke with the image of a chalk board with a column of 'I' words and at the bottom of the list was the phrase:  It is all about 'I'.
Intuition
Inspiration
Integrity
Intentional
Intelligence
I added this one: Infatuated, because I could not stop thinking about how these words all began with the prefix 'in' and how this prefix could mean the actual word 'in'  as in inside me, within me.  I was thinking 'what is the meaning of "It's all about 'I'".  I could only think 'It's all about me'.  All of these words are about what goes on inside of 'me'. and also very much reflect the 'I' that I am. 

Over that past few weeks, I have been blogging about the importance of integrity and being intentional.  I continually work with my intuition, sometimes more consciously than at other times.  And certainly, I hope my words and actions inspire others in a good way.  Bottom line:  It is all about 'I'--about Me.  I must connect with myself and be inside myself before I can connect with others and be healthfully outside of myself, or I am likely to make a big mess of things in my life. 

As a confirmation of this line of thinking I came across this quote on a website where I was signing up for a seminar:

"Individuation:  Jung said that we are not really 'individuals'but 'dividuals', persons divided within ourselves. We say one thing and do another; we set goals and we sabotage our own success; we desire happiness and experience frustration. All of these situations are indications of our inner division.",  Dr.Kenneth James at The Soulwork Center, Chicago  the soulwork center.

Another 'I' word for my list!

Tomorrow I am going to tackle the I am words:
Imperfect
Immediate
Impartial
Impatient
Impractical

History, Vision and Commitment

With all the traveling I have been doing over the past few weeks, I am happily surprised to have held my vision in focus despite changes in scenery and tugs from all directions for my attention.  My focus hasn't been perfect, just good enough to continue to have forward movement and steadiness in my commitments-to my circle of self monthly goals and my long term health goals.  It seems commitments (in this case to daily blogging as a writing commitment) and having blogging connected to my vision and understanding of living more fully my life purpose. 

I am working broadly with my Creative Self this month.  Everyone of my Elements in this aspect is tied to my vision both for my life purpose, as well as for the development of my creative self. My commitment to blogging daily reflects my commitment to developing my writer archetype.  It has been an amazing journey.  The more I write the more my writing seems to flow. As I write, blog and journal, I also have been surprised at how I am understanding my personal history from a clearer perspective.  Unfinished business is coming up to be resolved. My Vision Calling and Purpose statements  from my Circle of Self worksheet Circle of Self Forms Page  help me find the willingness needed to work through some old issues that are cropping up.  Integrity in work clothes (discipline) is becoming more second nature.  Of course, I expect there will be a test soon to see if I am serious!  Life seems to be that way.  The serenity prayer helps: Divine Will in action.

Living in the Circle of Self

The thing about working with the image of Circle of Self is how all-encompassing the process is.  Tonight, I reflect on my day from the Circle of Self perspective.  I started out this morning feeling a bit of struggle in balancing my goals for my Personal Self (all elements are in flux at the moment), the family element of my Relationship Self, and the work element of my Creative Self.  This month my major focus is in my work element and my Creative Self.  As the waning moon continues for this first month of Autumn, I am feeling the creative flow out into the world.  There are complications, though, which vie for attention and time! Balance, balance, balance! And a sinus infection and sore back call for slower moving and more sleep.  Family needs, family conflicts (and family fun as well) also require attention. 
They are all in the circle of my life, of my being, of my Self. How I respond to each commitment, to each demand and to each piece of drama or experience keep my circle moving.  It is a living process.  A process of living.  It's a circle, a spiral.  It takes effort to keep centered, which is necessary to keep from getting off kilter and spiralling out of control. 

Why We Cry

I received an email this morning asking how to get through crying at work.  I immediately related to the problem from my own issues around crying.  I could empathize with this person who reached out for a bit of advice and support.  I used to be embarrassed when I would cry in front of people-particularly people with whom I felt, at some level, insecure with or inferior to.

Over time I got quite good at controlling my tears. However, there were times and situations that would arise when I was not able to control the open/shut valve in my tear ducts. Those times were terribly shaming for me, increasing my experience of being less than, or stupid, or immature, or unprofessional...the list goes on and on.

There are physiological reasons for tears flowing from our tear ducts. The wisegeek.com blog gives a good summary:
There are many theories on why people cry emotional tears. One such is that there are proteins in tears, which are the same components in certain hormone. One of the biggest of these is prolactin, present in greater levels in women than in men. Women use prolactin in large supply when they are nursing infants, and in the first few days after having a baby, breastfeeding that baby may produce very strong emotional response as prolactin levels increase massively. Women also report feeling very calm, sleeping or spaced out during the first few weeks after a baby’s birth because of the high levels of this hormone. Not only does prolactin stimulate lactation, but it also tends to have an overall calming effect. It may be the case that prolactin, and other hormones like it are part of a mood regulation system. When we perceive physical or emotional pain, these hormones may build, and produce greater amounts of tears. Thus people cry, and this release may be calming too, helping to restore mood.
To read more go to http://www.wisegeek.com/why-do-people-cry.htm 

There is a profound purpose for our tears flowing that goes beyond the physiological reasons for 'emotional' tears:

Crying is our Soul's way of speaking to us, getting our attention. Through crying, our Soul is asking us to accept the deep inner wisdom and knowing that brings peace and abundance* to our life. If we can but listen for the words within our tears we will experience all we need to get through our current situation.

*abundance [via Old French from Latin abundantia, from abundāre to abound] : 

1. A great or plentiful amount.

2. Fullness to overflowing: "My thoughts . . . are from the abundance of my heart" (Thomas De Quincey).

3. Affluence; plentifulness

4. Benevolence

5. Plenitude of God’s goodness and spiritual gifts  

        Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © Harper Collins Publishers 1991, 1994,
        1998, 2000, 2003
6. Not just referring to having money and 'stuff' (Carolyn Faivre)

When you cry, can you hear the message within your tears? When you witness another crying, can you hear the words in their tears?  If you could, how would/could your experience be different? 

Short Meditation for Embracing and Creating Your Future

Last weekend I was looking for a file in the chaos of my computer documents.  My curser slipped and I inadvertantly opend a document entitled "moving schedule"  from the May 2010.  It wasn't the moving schedule I had written for moving my household two summers ago-but it certainly was about moving my life!  The piece of writing that opened before me was a meditation I had been inspired to write-wrote and then it disappeared and I could not find it, regardless of how  much I had searched.  I am sure some of you have had that experience!

Now here it is again, perfect timeing.  I share it here and it will be posted on the website http://www.circleofself.com .

Meditation for Circle of Self Year

The 13 moon cycles of my Circle of Self gives me the time necessary to explore and embrace all the Aspects and Elements of my Self.  As I hold my commitment to myself and this work, I will gain knowledge, grow in hope, and bring balance to the whole of my life.  From this knowledge, hope and balance I will be able to bring my intentions into manifestation and experience the change for which I have longed.

As I evaluate my personal life I will begin to understand the connection between physical well-being, mental health, emotional balance and spiritual support. Each Element nourishes the others.  From here the health of my whole person is enhanced.

As I embrace my relationships, with friends and colleagues, children and family, and my partner, I may find them to be outer expressions of different parts of my inner-self.  Here I will find guidance to heal, resolve grief, create safety, and understand the meaning of forgiveness.  I can complete my Circle of Self process with a more open heart, and more fully able to be in my relationships in healthy and satisfying ways.

As I explore my Creative Self, I move from the self-limiting extremes of perfectionism and fear, and experience the life giving flow of my innate creativity. I experience this flow in my work and my leisure time, in the flow of abundance in my life and in the ways in which I am able to be in service to others and to the world.

As I engage the Elements of my Collective Self, I will find ways to create a home which shelters body, heart, spirit and soul.  I will strengthen my connections to the natural world and to the community around me. My role as a citizen of the world develops in alignment with my life purpose.

This, My Personalized Circle of Self, is my invitation to live my life to my full potential.  My hope and prayer for myself is that I may embrace my life and live my life fully, as is my birthright, without fear, hesitation or regret, but with joy, hope balance and possibility!