June 1: New Moon, New Season, New Direction, New Aspect

THOUGHTS ON RELATIONSHIP: THE ASPECT FOR THE SEASON OF SUMMER

What others do to us need have no lasting impact on the flow of our lives. However, what we do to others alters the course of our lives forever. I am not sure who said this, but it is profoundly true.

The season of summer brings us around to the focus on our relationships. Here we sit in the energetic connection with all living things. In the Lakota way one says “Aho Mitakuye Oyasin”, “All my relations”. In this greeting, spoken with humility and respect, there is a deep awareness of the connection between the self and all of life, regardless of its’ form-whether human, bird, plant, animal, mineral or elemental. In the Circle of Self, we work with the Aspect of the Relationship Self focusing on our relationship with other human beings (both living and deceased), as our relationship with other humans is the most direct mirror of our relationship with our self.

The relationship lists: I invite you to begin here as you explore this Aspect of Self--although this is no one right way to begin. Make a list of those with whom you have a broken relationship. Make a second list of those with whom you struggle in your relationship. Make a third list of those with whom you experience your relationship as being in balance.

There is likely to be a common thread running through each of these lists. Can you name what that is for each of list?
Every broken relationship needs to be resolved in some way in order for that relationship to no longer interfere with our current and future relationships. Many times these broken relationships reflect a part of our self that we have been unwilling or unable to face and to mature into our healed humanness.

In relationships, everything that we need to bring out from our own shadow will be revealed to us in some form during the relationship, so that we may grow into our full self with minimum distortion. Growing into this state allows us to experience maximum joy in life as well as minimize unnecessary pain and suffering. That is not to say that we will not have pain or suffering in our lives, only that we not need to feel victimized in our pain and suffering, and that we may take on the suffering consciously and on behalf of some healing, transformation or growth for ourselves or others.

Working with your lists: After you make your list of relationships, ask yourself these questions: “What if what I say about the other person is really true about me?” Or: “What if what I say this person has done to me is really something I have done to this person?” (Insert there name)

And—rather than try to answer the question, instead of answering the questions, notice your body’s reaction to the question. How do you respond physically? What happens in your gut area? What happens in your chest area? What happens in your throat? What happens in your groin? What happens in your hands? What happens in your shoulders? What happens in your back? What happens to your breath? Are there any other areas of the physical body that have a reaction or response to the question?

Then, notice your mind’s reaction to the question. Do thoughts immediately pop into your head? Does your head spin? Try to defend? Create an argument? Change the subject? Just notice the reaction your mind has to hearing the question.

Now ask the question again and this time, focus on the emotional response to the question. Go to the feelings that arise when you ask the question. Do you respond with fear? Do you respond with anger? Do you respond with shame? Do you respond with grief? Do you respond with resentment? What else?

Next we look to our spiritual self to see what the question brings up for us. The discomfort of this unfinished relationship helps us see where there is a disconnect between our perceived spirituality and the reality of. We are being called in our lives to live differently than the

Finally, asking the question from the place of the inner and outer soul can help us look at ourselves and this specific relationship from the perspective of our transformative journey for this lifetime and our life calling. This step in healing and maturing our relationship self requires courage and active reflection. We go beyond just noticing our reactions to mapping the repeat patterns of our relationships with others. To do so requires that we set aside any amount of shame that we may be carrying with us about the relationship with which we are working.

The effect of shame on relationships: A bit of information about shame may be helpful. Shame is a response pattern that develops through one person’s attempt to control the behavior of another through the use of power over. Shame has the effect of disconnecting the shamed person from their true self. Not so much in their feelings, but more in the attributes and their potential. This is a common storyline for many of the clients who have come to work with me, and I have my own shaming experiences myself. Unfortunately, I am sure I have also inadvertently brought a shaming experience on my children. There were times as a parent I felt disempowered to stand for my children when they were shamed by another, and fortunately times when I felt able to stand for them and relieve them of carrying this crucifying burden.

I am reminded of an experience I had in second grade. At that time I already loved writing. Sister Mary Josephina was a strict and crabby teacher. I believe her headdress was too tight as her temples puffed out over the edge of the stiff white pellon that held her long black veil in place. I can only imagine the headaches it must have caused. It was Thanksgiving time and our assignment was to write a thank you letter to our parents. Times were lean when I was in second grade. I do not ever remember doing without as a child, but I do remember my parents being careful spending the money they did have. A trip to town shopping was special, and if dad went along, it meant going to my aunt and uncle’s children’s clothing store or maybe Malone’s. Dad never skimped on clothes and I always loved those trips with him for it meant I was going to get something wonderful. That year I got a new winter ‘Sunday go to church coat’ (as Dad called it) Dark red wool, double breasted with black braided frog closures and black velvet collar. It had a hat and leggings to match. They also bought me a brown plaid sateen dress with velvet piping, a full skirt lined with crinoline, perfect for twirling, and an oversized bow tied in the back. I was counting the days until I would get wear them and that was the first thing that popped into my mind when Sister Mary Josephina gave us our writing assignment. I would thank them for my beautiful clothes.

I was so proud of my letter. While my handwriting was never neat, I had tried to be so careful to write each letter in perfect palmer-style, not pressing too hard and no erasures. I held up my finished product to Sister. Her liver-spotted hand appeared from where she kept it hid, folded up under the cape of her habit, and gnarly fingers pulled the letter from my hand. I waited for praise, and perhaps that is why what happened next was so impactful on my young life, because instead—“What is this, do your parents give you dust cloths?” and to the class: “Carolyn is thankful her parent’s give her cleaning cloths.” I had spelled the word wrong and she had shamed me. There is no doubt, Sister’s sneering words have impacted my ability to fulfill my internal longing and drive to be a ‘real’ writer, fearful to have my writing be seen in public, much less on the web! Sister Josephina is long dead, but her voice lives on in me, and overtime has attracted other voices to reinforce the shaming and keep my writing mind silent. This is one of the things mapping out the patterns in your relationships can help resolve and heal.

I invite you to work with relationship mapping over the course of the next three months. We can learn a lot from the stories that we tell ourselves about our relationships as well as looking at the cyclical nature of our relationship patterns. The June moon cycle gives a lot of energy to working with both.

May you receive many blessings this moon cycle. Aho Mitakuye Oyasin, All my relations!

Visions and Callings: Really Hard Work

I read my blog posting of a few minutes ago-It sure sounds idyllic!  I really need to add this: that it is damn hard work-ranching in this conscious, focused and visionary way.  This was the other thing that struck me watching my sister and her family be on the land: that the work is hard, repitious, sometimes inconvient, relentless.  But, done through the eyes of their Vision-they do it, their Vision is manifesting and growing.  I'm pretty lazy in comparison, and I am taking a lesson home with me from Wild Type Ranch, about the willingness to work hard and long and relentless for my own Calling and Vision.

Full Moon and Sacred Space in Texas

I'm in the central plains of Texas on my sister's Wild Type Ranch.  The land here is flat, the expansive pastures brown and dry from the current drought, but the scrub oaks and late spring wild flowers stand in stubborn resilience to the unrelenting wind and heat. Even under the hardship and stress the current drought brings, there is something magical and sacred here.  I've spent the past few days contemplating what it is that stands behind the magic of this place.

The Full Moon is tonight, though I am not sure it could get much larger and fuller than giant orb that hung over the scrub oaks, horses and cattle last night.  As I walked from the main house to my bunk house bedroom up by the cattle chute, the moon cast a silvery shadows on the out-buildings, the cattle and horses out in the pasture, and the big round bales of hay that lined either side of my path. All appeared more silver than black tonight, and seemed to glow in the the moon-dark.   It's a little scarey walking from the main cabin to the bunk house in the dark.  There could be coyotes, skunks, maybe a bobcat or a wild boar lurking out there in the wild, and the night-sounds seem louder and more unfamiliar tonight; I walked up the draw in a heightened state of alertness. 

Maybe it was the moon glow or my heightened awareness, but, I felt as if I had been transported to the magical land of a fairy tale-or into an alternate dimension.  I went to bed last night feeling certain I was in a very special place.  This afternoon, in the daylight, with no threat of coyote or skunk, I'm sitting alone, in the shade of main house arbor, reflecting on my experience from last night.  It strikes me that for my sister, this whole ranch is her Sacred Space.  Carefully, over time, she and her husband, cleared,  nurtured, replenished and honored this landspace. They learned to watch and listen to the subtle messages given by the land.  Things even most gardners would miss, let alone a suburban-girl.  What certain weeds mean about the condition of the soil; how to shift erosion patterns so the land could recover itself...truly seeing the land as a living being.  They are the same in their relationship with the animals-a true example of being in alignement with the cycles and rhythms of life.  My sister's Sacred Space isn't a stagnant-build it one time and it's done- place. Nor should the sacred spaces we create be.  As we care for the space in our own home, or workplace that we have created as a Sacred Space for supporting our personal growth and development, we care for nurture ourselves and all manner of what supports our life. 

This ranch, by it's nature requires an honoring of the rhythm and cycle of life.  I don't think my sister needs reminded by the full moon to birth her visions, and let go of the ones that have languished.  Being here, though has caused me to deeply reflect upon what I am call to birth and to release, and in this fifth cycle of the year, the cycle invites us to listen for what is being said beyond the spoken word and honor and care for ourselves as sacred beings.

New and Waxing Moon information for May 2011

NOTE:  I inadvertantly wrote this blog posting under my original blog, which does not post publicly.  Being confused as to why my post was not showing up on the circle of self muse blog, I finally had time to dig a little deeper.  Looks like the trickster was at work-again!  So, here is the blog posting for the new moon of May 2011.  It's still relevant as we move through the days and nights of the waxing moon

Tuesday, May 3, 2011
May 3--It's the new moon day/night!
May Moon This is the last of the moons for the season of spring. May invites us to work specifically with the Collective Aspect in the Element of Home. Maybe it is time for Spring Cleaning-not only in your physical home, but in your internal home. (Have you ever noticed that a person’s physical home is so often an outer manifestation of their perception of their inner self?) May moon is a great cycle to work with the Element of Mind in the Personal Aspect. In In this sense, the moon cycle for May invites us to listen to ourselves first-our inner voice, out out-loud voice (Is it whiney, seductive, open-hearted, compassionate, does it change depending on who we are speaking to?) Learn to listen from the metaphor of a ‘blank slate’ and in this sense, the color reflecting the May moon is obsidian or black. In deep blackness, there is no influence to what we hear-other than ourselves. The Celtic medicine wheel invites us to have compassion for ourselves during this cycle. Jamie Sam’ book, The Thirteen Indigenous Clan Mothers, ‘Listening Woman’ is the clan mother for this moon cycle. (see resources) We must know how to really hear ourselves above all the din and distraction of ruminating thoughts, worries, unfounded fears etc. All this takes practice, and having enough compassion for ourselves to keep re-committing to the practice of listening.

Listening, to oneself: what is it that I am REALLY saying? to myself? to others? What are others are saying. There are so many levels of communication. What would I need to change in my life to develop the skill of discernment and use it in my abilities to listen? Listen to what is really being said, listen to my intuition, listen to my conscience, listen to the voice of the Creator, and listen for the real NEED underneath the WANT, from myself and from those with who I am in relationship. Am I willing to listen, am I willing to hear and am I willing to take action on what I hear? Can I discern the differences in the voices of my ego, my spiritual essence and Divine voice?