Being Affirmed by Creator's Trees

This past week I gave a speech at Toastmasters, where I invited my audience to explore the practice of connecting with nature as a way of praying.  I shared my morning prayer practice (although in abbreviated form) of going out of doors and giving thanks for the world I see, and for all of creation listening and hearing me-and that I then ask out-loud about whatever is on my mind that morning. The audience was attentive, but later was some 'light-hearted' joking about praying to the trees. Of course, the doubting part of my psyche went into questioning whether I really might be delusional.

I shared my doubts, questioning that I might actually be 'stupid', with a colleague who reminded me that what I teach and share about comes from ancient wisdom, from many spiritual traditions and cultures.  "Are you calling them 'stupid'?", she challenged.  Still, my inner doubting, simmered on the back burner.  This morning, I opened Richard Rohr's morning meditation and here was another answer to my questioning:

Silence my soul, these trees are prayers.

I asked the tree, "Tell me about God";
then it blossomed.  Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941), Bengali polymath--poet, playwright, painter, musician

From: Richard Rohr's Meditation: Sabbath -- Mystics and Non-Dual Thinkers: Week 5; Listening Silence

Here was my confirmation-in black and white and in a beautiful chant, as if not only tree, but entire forest were affirming me.  I am humbled and grateful.

Baby Bird Lessons Day Two

The next day, in the early morning hours.  I carry my writing tools out to the back deck, and prepare to sit for my Morning Prayer and contemplation. This is my last day at Sara’s ranch,the last day of my writing retreat.  I sit in the lawn chair facing east, watching the sun begin to rise.  I’m dive bombed by mother swallow.  Looking up at the rafters, I see one small chick, pressed against the outside of her nest.  I can’t tell if this is one from yesterday, or a latecomer fledgling.  Either could be me!  This mother has the patience and faith of Job.  Both mother and chick are models for me. They reflect two parts of my multifaceted self.  This morning I sit with another example of how nature serves as our teacher, and as a mirror for our path and our growth.  I am patient and faith-filled mother swallow.  I am reluctant chick. 

Lessons From Nature

I'm on a writing retreat at my sister Sara's beautiful, remote Texas Ranch (it's a real ranch b.t.w.).  I have set an intention to receive and write inspirations for the Moon Cycles.

Every Year when the time comes to write about the 12^th (December) moon cycle, the cycle of ‘Thank Truth’ and Jamie Sams’ clan mother image-Gives Praise, a different facet of gratitude and appreciation is shown to me.  Last year, I was aware of immense gratitude for my inner gifts and talents, and my writing asked for the courage to live these more fully in my life.  This year, I am sitting at a picnic table, the heat of the hot Texas wind sharp contrast to the winter images that come with this December moon writing. 

As I write, two tiny swallows are perched on the rafters of the lean-to porch.  Mother swallow approaches again and again, chirping and wildly flapping her wings.  It’s been several hours now, and they are still perched on their I-beam ledge.  Mother bird still flapping her wings and chirping.  I wonder if I would have that kind of patience and stamina.  I wonder how those little ones feel.  Are they scared?  Is it fly or die time?  Over this past week on the ranch, I have witnessed the after effects of five or six failed launch attempts.  It’s hard not to feel sad, even understanding this is all part of the circle of life. 

I have been like those little chicks.  So afraid to take my leap of faith, not trusting that I have what I need to launch myself, I let chances go by and opportunities die.  I’ve had some failed launches, too.  I’ve gone to great lengths to insure my safety with inch by inch movements, exhausting myself and the patience of others. I’ve thrown money and resources at an idea in hopes that this would make up for my lack of preparedness, knowledge or faith, exhausting both resources and myself.  I have enough faith now, and enough awareness and skill, to take my leap.  Where am I leaping to?  I’m leaping into my own being.  I’m really leaping into myself.  I am also leaping into Creation, of which I am already apart. 

What's True? Is This a Mistake or Something Wonderful? (or 'How what is true, constantly changes')

This is a picture of the front of my house at 6:30 this morning: a small excavator struggling with the mud in the middle of my torn up driveway.  Entrance totally blocked. Can't get in, can't get out.   Feels a bit like my life at the moment.  BUT... What's the truth about this scene?  I'm getting a new driveway; another upgrade to my house and my life.  What is true today (entrance to my house is blocked) will be different from what is true tomorrow (a great rut-free, safe, attractive driveway).

In January of 2015. I made a decision to give myself a home that nurtured and supported me (and everyone who came for a session, a visit, or to live). In February, I took a deep breath, held on tight to a trust in Divine Guidance, swallowed hard and traded prosperous dollars for a house in need of some major upgrades.  In March I sat with my spouse and we came to an agreement about what was a need and what was a want-another time for a deep breath and a surrender to trust. In April, the 66 year old heating system was torn out and an entirely new ducts and system put in- a huge, life-disrupting mess.  In May, lived through the skin of my house being torn off to the bones, and new insulation, siding transformed my little run-down house to a sweet cottage home another huge mess and chaos.  Now, in the middle of June, mud, dirt, gravel, noise, and a bobcat stuck in the driveway. It's just a temporary glitch in the process of creating a solid and inviting entrance to my 'new' space.

I didn't know at the time made the decision to have this little house become my long term home what was It was REALLY committing to in terms of time, money and the chaos of demolition and construction.  I thought about this in terms of the Moon Cycle Teaching for this month: the call for each of us Love Truth.  Loving Truth has become for me two things: 1) a willingness to accept and embrace what is right in front of me (people, experiences and feelings) without judgment or fear,  and 2) this accepting and embracing can only bring more Love and and more expansive Truth to my life.

I am experiencing an amazing freedom coming to this way of Loving Truth.  My life these last 6 months has been a lot like the experience of turning this house into the vision I had for a home of my own.   Both have been messy, glitch-filled, full of surprises, requiring flexibility, revealing unexpected blessings and  unfolding in loveliness and possibility--oh and more messiness.  I'm learning to be okay with messiness-it's part of the process of unfolding creation.

If Self Help Doesn't Work, What Does?

This morning I was contemplating more on the dilemma of self -help being a losing proposition.

I sat with my 'listening to GOD journal' (G.O.D. is my acronym for Grace of Divine/Guidance of Divine/Good Orderly Direction)  and these thoughts came through.  I share them here straight off the page!

The Myth of Self Help

Do you have a place you can 'Be Yourself'?

“Just be yourself!”  I am sure Cheryl Richardson, seminar leader at Movers and Shakers in Chicago last month had no idea what she was asking when she gave that suggestion for how to succeed when getting up to speak on stage! As a child, the only place I ever felt I could really ‘be myself’ was in my own room with the door closed away from my parents, six siblings and a usual cousin or two.  My perception of being ‘myself’ while growing up is that the ‘self’ was routinely met with disappointment and disapproval by those who had power and influence over my life.  So, I did all the 'stuff' I identified  as 'me' in private and behind the closed doors of my bedroom.  I read, drew, wrote, day-dreamed, created ‘cutesy’ art objects and projects in my room, where no one would bother me; until my mother sang loudly up the stairwell for “Lazy Carolyn” to wake up. 

So when Cheryl asked us to ‘be yourself’, I was overcome with a feeling of being incredibly exposed. I wanted to leave, right then!  I had come to the seminar to learn how to 'move and shake' in the world. Instead, I came to realize how much shame and embarrassment I felt about the parts of me which I identified as ‘myself’. I came face to face with a governing belief that ‘myself’ is not good enough or acceptable (in-fact awfully embarrassing)  to show in the outside world. 

Right then, rather than get up and leave as was my urge, I prayed with a desperate awareness: I MUST sort out the shame and embarrassment from my gifts, talents and skills.  This is the only way I will be able to live and express my ‘self', (maybe even with a capital ‘S’—yes definitely with a capital ‘S’ Self), in the outside world.

What am I doing about this ah-ha  and 'wake-up' call?  Well, a number of things: getting support from a wise therapist who is willing to address this core difficulty; and surrounding myself with others who are also working on shedding the ‘sheltering’ but vermin- infested robes of shame, guilt, and embarrassment.  I connect daily with a partner and we commit to each other to complete one small action of stepping-up and stepping-out.  I nudge, nourish and love myself, with the help and support of others to let go of isolating and hiding behaviors.  It IS often a slow, tedious process. I am am continually made aware by my experiences and my work with others that this CAN NOT be done alone, by oneself and have any lasting true change. I need others on the journey with me--like many of the people who were at the Movers and Shakers conference.

I sit in prayer and contemplation, as best as I am able, and I do this--yup--early in the morning, just like the song asks! I work with my Muse (who often visits me early in the morning-go figure). Slowly and cautiously, but ever more bravely, ever more courageously, I make myself and my endeavors available to the world.  You will see this very soon on my evolving Circle of Self Website.  I am an earnest, though often timid, learner of a new song I sing to myself : “Creative Carolyn, will you wake up?”

Do you, too, want to go back into hiding when your are suggested to ‘be yourself?’  Are you being nudged to 'wake up'?