Stand Down: A short reflection on "thank you for your service"

Today more than 40 men and a few women came by our presentation room at the stand down.  It will take a while to integrate everything I learned today.  But one thing is very clear:

When we say "thank you for your service." to someone in uniform, or whom we know is a veteran, it is almost certain we have no clue what is is we are thanking them for.  And if we did, we would recognize 'thank you' doesn't come close to being the right words, or a deep enough expression of gratitude, or a true understanding of what they have endured and sacrificed of themselves and of the burdens they carry. 

Speaking on Depression

Tomorrow I will speak at a Stand Down for Homeless Veterans in Peoria.  My topic is dealing with depression in difficult times.  I recognize I have not ever been homeless, or a veteran.  I have however, struggled with the pain of losing a home or two that have been dear to me, and I know what it is like to have been married to a veteran and live in a military community. So I have a narrow line of connection.  I hope I am able to meet those who come to hear me in a present and humble way.  I am not even sure any will come.  But I have prepared a few thoughts on depression anyway. 

Depression:
Initially it can be a coping mechanism, a normal response to an untenable situation.  It can be a way to reset our system, insist on rest and restore balance.

Or, it can become a habituated response to stress.

Or, it can get tangled up in chemical imbalance-neurological misfiring-alcohol or drug abuse-cyclical hypo- or hyperglycemia-allergies.

Or chronic fatigue-isolation-loneliness-hunger-trauma that never gets resolved-repetitive exposure and remembering...all leading to a loss of sense of self.

Depression is pressing down 'something' in our lives.  It takes energy to press down that which we can not or will not face or resolve.  It takes energy to live our lives fully.  The more we use our energy to keep things 'depressed'.  The less we have to live our lives.  It is a vicious spiralling downward cycle.

Coming out of depression successfully can require very small steps to gently and carefully let up that which we have depressed, so we are not overwhelmed.  Or it can resolve after a night of soulful, deep and gut wrenching wailing-followed by  heart-y, belly-full laughing followed by deep sleep.  I have had both depression leave both of these ways and supported others in having their depression release in both these ways, as well. 

I have also witnessed those who could not believe what Joseph Marshall III writes about in Keep Going: that the weakest step is stronger than the fiercest storm.  These dear ones cling to depression like a life line. And perhaps it is.

I am prepared to talk about these ideas. But I truly do not know what to expect, and mostly I want to listen, and be present and humble.

History, Vision and Commitment

With all the traveling I have been doing over the past few weeks, I am happily surprised to have held my vision in focus despite changes in scenery and tugs from all directions for my attention.  My focus hasn't been perfect, just good enough to continue to have forward movement and steadiness in my commitments-to my circle of self monthly goals and my long term health goals.  It seems commitments (in this case to daily blogging as a writing commitment) and having blogging connected to my vision and understanding of living more fully my life purpose. 

I am working broadly with my Creative Self this month.  Everyone of my Elements in this aspect is tied to my vision both for my life purpose, as well as for the development of my creative self. My commitment to blogging daily reflects my commitment to developing my writer archetype.  It has been an amazing journey.  The more I write the more my writing seems to flow. As I write, blog and journal, I also have been surprised at how I am understanding my personal history from a clearer perspective.  Unfinished business is coming up to be resolved. My Vision Calling and Purpose statements  from my Circle of Self worksheet Circle of Self Forms Page  help me find the willingness needed to work through some old issues that are cropping up.  Integrity in work clothes (discipline) is becoming more second nature.  Of course, I expect there will be a test soon to see if I am serious!  Life seems to be that way.  The serenity prayer helps: Divine Will in action.

Circling Back to Choose a New Way

Every once in a while I get a chance to do some supportive work with someone who reminds me of my own life experiences.  This seems to be a theme this week-revisiting memories and history. This dear person's current experience is serving as a mirror for some events in my life, just like the mirror in the Circle of Self logo.  We may not be able to alter the reflection, but we can alter how we interpret it and judge it.
Today, I choose to look at my habit for running myself into the ground in an effort to avoid changing what needs to be changed in my life.  A poignant message as it comes on the heals of my revisiting history yesterday!  How often I have put off and/or tried to negotiate with myself to not make a necessary change in my life.  What usually happens is the consequences of NOT making the change-get bigger, more damaging, more painful, more destructive and more costly. Everything suffers.  Physical health, ability to do my work, emotions, relationships. I don't like admitting I am in over my head, or wrong, or that I need or want something that is at odds with others wishes. 
I will try everything to keep status duo.  I'm getting better and sometimes I can avoid the saboteur and sometimes I don't.  The blessing in all of this is that once 'the bad thing happens'  the energy starts flowing and I am moving again.  Moving which can still be terrifying, painful, grieful, agonizing.  Moving which brings growth and new ideas and new opportunities. 

Circling Round Our History

The opportunities we have to revisit our lives come along in unexpected ways.  Visiting old friends in places we used to live is a bit like finding one's old journals in a long lost trunk-only four dimensional and more animated.  I'm visiting a place from my past.  I sit with my friend in her daughter's home.  She is visiting here, too.  Visiting her past, and her present and her future (a new great grandson just arrived).  I am struck by what I have forgotten and what I remember.  It seems I can give names to people I haven't thought about for thirty years, but can't remember appearances of buildings and places (unless it's food related).

We pick up where we left off from our last connection and circle round catching up on adult children, husbands and grand kids, then our conversation skirts around the edges of stories from the past.  They come into focus, my friend helping me remember who and what and where about a few particular years in my life.  All these whos, whats and wheres that led to a major change in my geography, my partner and my work.  Now I have a chance to circle round and let hindsight have her say. 

Living With VIsion

This is a short post-I wanted to share the awareness I have had about the importance of holding fast to a vision.  In the mid 90's I took a training with Caroline Myss and Norm Shealy entitled Vision Creativity and Intuition.  I always thought it odd that 'vision' had the lead in the seminar, and until recently did not understand how important a role 'vision' has in both the development of creativity and of intuition. 
To hold fast to your vision of what you think, hope and desire as possible in your life makes all the difference in the world.  Today, I came to realize that perhaps that is what is between the lines-my vision of what is possible when committing to live on purpose and with purpose.  That's all folks!

Living in the Circle of Self

The thing about working with the image of Circle of Self is how all-encompassing the process is.  Tonight, I reflect on my day from the Circle of Self perspective.  I started out this morning feeling a bit of struggle in balancing my goals for my Personal Self (all elements are in flux at the moment), the family element of my Relationship Self, and the work element of my Creative Self.  This month my major focus is in my work element and my Creative Self.  As the waning moon continues for this first month of Autumn, I am feeling the creative flow out into the world.  There are complications, though, which vie for attention and time! Balance, balance, balance! And a sinus infection and sore back call for slower moving and more sleep.  Family needs, family conflicts (and family fun as well) also require attention. 
They are all in the circle of my life, of my being, of my Self. How I respond to each commitment, to each demand and to each piece of drama or experience keep my circle moving.  It is a living process.  A process of living.  It's a circle, a spiral.  It takes effort to keep centered, which is necessary to keep from getting off kilter and spiralling out of control.