If Self Help Doesn't Work, What Does?

This morning I was contemplating more on the dilemma of self -help being a losing proposition.

I sat with my 'listening to GOD journal' (G.O.D. is my acronym for Grace of Divine/Guidance of Divine/Good Orderly Direction)  and these thoughts came through.  I share them here straight off the page!

The Myth of Self Help

Do you have a place you can 'Be Yourself'?

“Just be yourself!”  I am sure Cheryl Richardson, seminar leader at Movers and Shakers in Chicago last month had no idea what she was asking when she gave that suggestion for how to succeed when getting up to speak on stage! As a child, the only place I ever felt I could really ‘be myself’ was in my own room with the door closed away from my parents, six siblings and a usual cousin or two.  My perception of being ‘myself’ while growing up is that the ‘self’ was routinely met with disappointment and disapproval by those who had power and influence over my life.  So, I did all the 'stuff' I identified  as 'me' in private and behind the closed doors of my bedroom.  I read, drew, wrote, day-dreamed, created ‘cutesy’ art objects and projects in my room, where no one would bother me; until my mother sang loudly up the stairwell for “Lazy Carolyn” to wake up. 

So when Cheryl asked us to ‘be yourself’, I was overcome with a feeling of being incredibly exposed. I wanted to leave, right then!  I had come to the seminar to learn how to 'move and shake' in the world. Instead, I came to realize how much shame and embarrassment I felt about the parts of me which I identified as ‘myself’. I came face to face with a governing belief that ‘myself’ is not good enough or acceptable (in-fact awfully embarrassing)  to show in the outside world. 

Right then, rather than get up and leave as was my urge, I prayed with a desperate awareness: I MUST sort out the shame and embarrassment from my gifts, talents and skills.  This is the only way I will be able to live and express my ‘self', (maybe even with a capital ‘S’—yes definitely with a capital ‘S’ Self), in the outside world.

What am I doing about this ah-ha  and 'wake-up' call?  Well, a number of things: getting support from a wise therapist who is willing to address this core difficulty; and surrounding myself with others who are also working on shedding the ‘sheltering’ but vermin- infested robes of shame, guilt, and embarrassment.  I connect daily with a partner and we commit to each other to complete one small action of stepping-up and stepping-out.  I nudge, nourish and love myself, with the help and support of others to let go of isolating and hiding behaviors.  It IS often a slow, tedious process. I am am continually made aware by my experiences and my work with others that this CAN NOT be done alone, by oneself and have any lasting true change. I need others on the journey with me--like many of the people who were at the Movers and Shakers conference.

I sit in prayer and contemplation, as best as I am able, and I do this--yup--early in the morning, just like the song asks! I work with my Muse (who often visits me early in the morning-go figure). Slowly and cautiously, but ever more bravely, ever more courageously, I make myself and my endeavors available to the world.  You will see this very soon on my evolving Circle of Self Website.  I am an earnest, though often timid, learner of a new song I sing to myself : “Creative Carolyn, will you wake up?”

Do you, too, want to go back into hiding when your are suggested to ‘be yourself?’  Are you being nudged to 'wake up'?

My Inner Muse FINALLY Wakes Up (again)!

Holy Time

I haven't posted on this blog for quite some time.  As if the Muse went into hiding.  Perhaps hibernation is a gentler word.  It gives a different meaning to the time I have spent away from this place that is a venue for my writing to reach out to others (and to risk being visible in the world). Recently, I have been contemplating and praying on my longing for writing.  Here is what came today:

My early mornings are Holy Time.

Actually, all time is Holy Time,

And I am so distracted

 I don’t recognize the holy minutes and holy seconds

as they flow in and out of me.

But if I practice experiencing my early mornings as Holy Time,

Perhaps it will seep more and more into my days as a WHOLE.

And perhaps my nights will become incubation for Holy Time,

So my dreams will carry more and more a holy message for my life.

And then perhaps my life will have enough holiness

My breath can be a holy mist out to the lives of others.

My early mornings are Holy Time.

Let it be so. Let it be so.

Religious versus Spiritual as it relates to my Circle of Self

I did get some feedback about my last post.  Some who read my blog know I am an ordained minister through the seminary where I taught a number of years ago.  So, to them, it was odd that I would even write about being religious. Hadn't I already made that pronouncement when I was ordained?  Not really.  It has only been in the last year or so that I have begun to think of myself this way.  I was ordained under a church whose purpose was for 'spiritual healing', and I thought of myself as 'spiritual' and my ordination more about offering 'healing energy'.
It has only been during the past few years, particularly the last 22 or so months, when I began working more deeply with my own self-sabotaging behaviors, did I come to a place where I was confronted by how I was living, or not living, as a 'spiritual person'.  The difference, I think, is this: I am a spiritual being and I am a religious person.  I made a commitment to living all the aspects of my life in alignment with my understanding of my purpose. When I made that decision and that commitment, I accepted that more was being asked of me in terms of aligning my will to the will of God/Creator/Divine One/Higher Power.  Something changed inside of me, and in the way I perceived the world.  What I had previously called a spiritual practice shifted somehow to become deeper, more profound, and yes more demanding.  While I do not wear a 'habit' or a robe or collar to show my 'religious commitment,  I hope the way I live my life slowly shows as a visible example of what it means to live in accountability to the Divine One, to the Creator of All.  My life path is to re-align my self, returning my own individual cell of the Body of God,(unique and always with room for improvement, and hopefully humble) back to it's Owner.

A Confession

I have a confession to make: I am a closet religious. I admit, I am a religious person. I know the word religious has gotten a really bad name over the course of the 30 or 40 years. And, based on the painful and punitive nature of some of my (and many others) childhood church experiences it is amazing I have been able to arrive at this place in my life. But I have to admit, I have, I am and I am relieved to admit it.

 I was reading Richard Rohr’s morning meditation and he gave an interpretation to religious in its’ original Latin roots:   re-ligio = re-align.  The core of my belief: we are all ‘cells in the body of God’.  In fact, I believe that all of Creation are cells of the body of God. Our job, for our life on earth plane,  is to return ourselves to the Body of God  enriched and ripened and more of who we are in the depths of our Souls.  That is most clearly my purpose in life: to re-align myself with the Divine One, with Creator and Creation.  If that is what’ religious’ means, I am relieved to be religious.  I am happy to be able to add that to my list of self-descriptors.  There is something freeing about being able to say this.  I feel as though I have given myself permission to include an enormous amount of resources of knowledge, wisdom and inspiration for the direction of my life.  And PEOPLE!  And COMMUNITY!  And I feel I am able to turn my eyes and intention toward a very small hope that I might someday stand in with the saints I so loved reading about as a child.  There.  I said it. I hope this doesn’t mean my blog site implodes!

Why I live by the light of the moon-and other moon insights

Someone asked me recently why I chose moon cycles as a part of the Circle of Self Process for my website. Early influence came from working with my teachers Anuhea Meyers and Lynn Crowe when they came to the Chicago area and held Women's Circle here.  Then, I found Jamie Sams book 13 indigenous Clan Mothers (see resources) and when I was blessed to do vision quest work with Jorge Arenivar over the course of six or seven years, Jamie's writing came alive as I sat those days and nights 'on the hill'.  So, I summarized a few of the reasons working with the rhythm and the cycles of the moon is part of my daily (nightly) life as well as the Circle of Self Program:   1.  Seeing the moon in the sky at night reminds me to live more and more as my true self. The moon, if she were a thinking, feeling, knowing being (and maybe she is, as there is consciousness in all things) would recognize she is not the source and creator of her light. She is rather a vessel for the light to reflect forth. We too, are not the source of our own light. Our talents,  purposes and abundance are bestowed upon us as gifts and callings from The Divine One. 2.The moon reflects out that which is reflected to her. We, as human beings, do that as well-to those around us, and to ourselves when we look deeply at ourselves in a mirror. Life also reflects back to us, when we see in others that which we need to see in ourselves. 3.The moon has cycles and rhythms. So do we. The moon does not try to change her cycles to be different then they are. Her cycles are uniquely her own, regardless of how they fall in the month, the season, the year. Her cycle is her cycle and is not influenced by what day of the month it is. When I am outside in the dark of night and notice the moon, she brings awareness of where I am in my own cycle of life. When I align with my rhythm, I stop fighting life as much as would be my usual tendency. I can shift the discomfort from being out of rhythm with what is around me in my life. I can re-sync myself. 3.The changing light of the moon reminds me there is just enough light to see what is needed at the moment; that more light can come and that light also goes dim. When I learn to live with the ebb and flow of light, I can live more easily with the ebb and flow of life. Then, my inner wisdom is enriched. I learn to stop striving so much for what is not yet ready to come into view, and be still long enough for my eyes to adjust to the light that is present to see what is before me in the moment. 4. The moon rules the tides. Her pull is not so much felt in our personal awareness, it is subtle, yet steadfast, and immensely powerful in her effect. She is a constant and ever present reminder of rhythms, and of the perpetual shifting of rhythms in life, in us. 5. Our monthly menstrual cycle was named for the moon. In the time before artificial light, our menstrual cycles were aligned with moon cycles. The moon's rhythm helps me stay connected to the more subtle cycles of my post- menopausal body.      about Carolyn   Dr. Carolyn J. Faivre MS, PhD, LCPC           Knowledge | Hope | Balance | Change http://www.CircleofSelf.com |Circle of Self Muse -Blog  Ph:630-334-1053

Anything exposed to light...the Rule of Light

Anything exposed to light will become light.  If you don't believe it-look at how the sun causes color to fade.  I noticed this on my nice dark red couch that sat in front of my picture window.  After a year of sun exposure, the top of the couch is pink, the under-cushions still their original dark red.  I'm well aware, this quote from Ephesians (5:13-15) is not referring to the sun's ability to fade things.  But, rather, I use this visual reminder to keep myself willing to continue to expose myself to the Light so it is able shine upon the more difficult and dark parts of my life.  I know that over time, these parts of myself will become less dark and my life will lighten up.  What I need to remind myself of is to be disciplined in my asking for this Light in my life. Through any effort I make, no matter how small, to sit in prayer and contemplation every day, I am placing myself in the Light (I expose myself). My life will lighten up, even if only at a snail's pace.  I have to be willing to put myself where I have any chance at all to receive light.  All manner of life offers Light: people, situations, media, places, objects, behaviors, attitudes. The only variable is my willingness or unwillingness to expose myself to what is.

Sometimes the Light we already have and are is called upon to be a tool for bringing Light to our life experiences. I am reminded of this by my sister's experience yesterday. By the way she became willing to be a tool of Light in a situation that required a very big sacrifice, she demonstrated trust in the 'Rule of Light'.  It might take years for her ongoing willingness to be the Light for her situation to become light, but it will over time, with certainty, become Light.  On a very mundane and superficial level, my red, now pink, sofa confirms this as true. All that is needed is patience and the willingness to continually practice exposing oneself to the Light.

Starting the New Year Allowing Mistakes

Today, I finally got around to finishing the holiday greeting I wanted to send out from my Constant Contact account.  It took me a while. Over the course of six weeks, my holiday wishes changed from an advent-oriented greeting to a winter solstice wish, to a New Years Eve encouragement and then finally a post-New Year's Day greeting.  I struggled with procrastination and perfectionism for weeks! I know I'm not alone in this kind of struggle.  I have a lot of compassion for those who struggle this way.  It is a common theme with many who come to me for support and guidance.  I don't want to say or do 'something wrong'.  I don't want to make a mistake that would adversely effect myself or anyone else.  I want to be sure what I do is 'good enough', won't be taken the wrong way, seem arrogant or ignorant.  So I struggle to get things done. 

A wise person told me: "Remember, that all mistakes are the source of growth.  Struggle is something different:  it is resistance to making a mistake-resistance to guidance from our Higher Power.  But even struggling is grounds for growth when the struggling stops." 

Mistakes are miss-takes.  Can I give myself permission to need a couple of  'takes' to get where I want to go, do what I want to do. become who I want to become?