Five days into the falling-back time change: I’m still not back in my rhythm. I hate the early darkness and the earlier
light. I hate the time change in the
spring, too. Both disrupt my
rhythm. Both are manmade manipulations
of time. But I am REALLY HATING this
one!
When I sit with my reaction to the time change, I am frankly
surprised: resentment, anger, frustration. I feel like I am a victim with no recourse or
way to manage what is happening. This arbitrary, out dated, imposed adjustment of
the clock infuriates me.
I began writing this blog post on Monday, noticed what
seemed an unreasonably strong reaction, so I set it aside to simmer-down for a
day or so. Now, on Wednesday, I’m still
grumbling, still feeling exhausted and out of my rhythm. Being out of my rhythm underlies my
feelings. There was a comfort in writing
in the early morning darkness of the past couple of months. Now, the morning is star is gone from sight
when I get up and my writing rhythm seems gone from access as well. Antsy and
irritable are my primary feelings. I can’t
change the time change and I have no serenity about it. And the more I write the madder I get.
Underneath: With the time
change I became disconnected from a rhythm which was supporting me. By using what Gabriele Lusser Rico refers to
as ‘clustering’ in her book ‘Writing the Natural Way’ (I call it spider-webbing) I diagram what is
connected to ‘disruption of rhythm’. With
just a few words I know what is underlying my disconnection: the time change is a stand-in for other things
in my life that are challenging my commitment to writing. My doing things differently is a hard
adjustment for my spouse. It is easier
to be upset with the time-change than with his sometimes not so subtle push and
pull at my change in behavior (getting up earlier and spending more time in my
work). How much space is there in my
rhythm to negotiate multiple needs without losing myself, my intentions, my
goals, my needs?
This reminds me of the best-selling inspirational book: ‘Who
Moved My Cheese?’ Spencer Johnson (1998).
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